


Fight Your Losing Battle, Boy

by Kansas42



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, M/M, Magic Loss, Magnus Bane-centric, Post-Episode: s03e12 Original Sin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18055025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kansas42/pseuds/Kansas42
Summary: Alec keeps giving Magnus pep talks. Like losing his magic is something he’ll just eventually walk off.





	Fight Your Losing Battle, Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short thing I couldn’t get out of my head after watching 3x12.

Alec keeps giving Magnus pep talks.

They’re not bad pep talks, exactly. As a matter of fact, they’re often quite lovely: direct and sincere and straight to the point, just like Alexander himself. He’s come such a long way in such a short time: when they’d first met, Alec couldn’t vocalize why he’d really come by when Magnus had summoned him. He couldn’t even admit to himself (much less out loud) why Magnus had asked for him at all--even though Magnus could not possibly have been more obvious about his intentions. 

And now, now Alec says breathtaking things like “I don’t think I can live without you” and “All I care about is how you feel.” On a public road, in the middle of a crowd, Alec openly calls Magnus “the man that I love.” And Magnus, he’s so incredibly proud of Alexander. More, he feels . . . needed, beloved. Cherished.

But the pep talks, they’re very . . . short.

Like Alec expects a few kind words is all Magnus needs to hear.

Like losing his magic is something he’ll just eventually walk off.

“Fifty years is a lot of time,” Alec says, like that’s something obvious he shouldn’t have to point out, like Magnus ought to be grateful. But it’s not a long time, not when you measure time in centuries, and Magnus can’t be grateful. He wants _more_.

“I don’t know why you think you need it,” Alec says, like Magnus’s makeup is simply about beauty, not protection, not identity. Like Magnus’s vanity is some charming quirk, easily assuaged. Like he only needs to hear someone say he’s pretty to feel like himself again.

“Your power doesn’t just come from your magic,” Alec says. “It comes from your inner strength, which you are overflowing with.” But when Magnus pulls away, when he’s not instantly comforted by a sentiment that might fit inside a Hallmark card, Alec looks disappointed, like he doesn’t understand why Magnus isn’t listening. Like they should really be past all this by now.

He knows, he _knows_ , he’s not being fair. Alec means well, and sometimes, Magnus does feel better, however briefly—his Alexander can be so disarmingly sweet, after all—but more often than not, Magnus finds himself swallowing back bitterness. Over and over, he keeps pretending to be mended, even though he knows it's a losing battle, even though nearly everything that’s ever gone wrong between them has come from dishonesty.

“Of course,” Magnus hears himself lying anyway. “Everything I need is right here in front of me.”

It would be so much simpler, if that were true.

He loves Alexander, loves him with all his heart and soul, would rip himself right down the center for him. Has, as a matter of fact. But no one person can be someone’s everything; that’s a lesson it’s taken Magnus centuries to learn. He isn’t Alec’s everything, nor should he be. Alec has Jace. Izzy. Maryse. The Institute. Alec loves Magnus, needs him, but he needs so much more, too. If he didn’t, their relationship wouldn’t be healthy. If he didn’t, Magnus would never have gone to Edom at all.

Magnus needs Alec, but he also needs his magic. He can’t just substitute one for the other. And Alec, he doesn’t understand that. He doesn’t truly understand the gravity of what Magnus has lost. Alec is present, and he’s loving, and he’s adorable, and he’s trying, and he’s—

Clueless. He’s just so _clueless_.

“Everything I need is right here in front of me,” Magnus says, and Alec smiles, like the problem is solved.

“Everything I need is right here in front of me,” Magnus lies, and feels beloved, cherished, and unseen.

FIN


End file.
